Mindset - How it changed everything.

Yeah, ok, KJ. You have time for one more thing.

Why a blog? I don’t know. Why not? Will it last? Probably not. I have these great ambitions of fanciful writing and bad spelling errors, but this may be the one and only blog post I EVER do. So enjoy it. Or skim it and go about your day, which is something I would do.

Actually, there is a big reason why I decided today to write this. Something is nagging me. Something bigger than me that won’t let the feeling go. “KJ, you are more than the number on the scale. So much more.”

For the last year, that voice has gone over and over in my head. I've said it to people. I've meant it. But did I really, truly believe it for myself? In some part, I would say yes. I've absolutely embraced the idea of chasing health instead of weight loss. I've embraced the idea of focusing on lab results and not scale results. But despite the fact that I've embraced chasing down health, there's this little part of me that calls out when I get on the scale. "See KJ. I told you that you weren't good enough."

About a year ago I was reading the Bible and I read the verse Psalm 139:14. I’d read it a million times.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Fearfully and wonderfully made? Fearfully and wonderfully made! FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.

I, KJ, 43 year old obnoxious mom of 1 sweet, sensitive girl and wife to Tilson, am FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. I’m not just a random blob of matter. I was carefully thought out, designed with purpose. Wonderfully made. The Creator of all the universe purposefully crafted me. I’m designed by GOD. Someone who spoke the world into existence, someone who tells the waves how far they can go, someone who makes the planets perfectly align in an orbit so meticulous that the seasons are consistent and predictable, designed ME. He crafted me from nothing, knit me together in my mother’s womb and calls me His. One of billions, and one of a kind.

So why then….WHY…WHY…do I let a number on a hunk of dusty metal covered in dog hair in my bathroom dictate my worth?? When you stop and think about it, is it really not the most silly thing you’ve ever heard? I have nothing to say about how I was created. I’m not the Creator. My only job when it comes to my weight/health/size is TAKING CARE OF MY BODY. It isn’t obsessing over the numbers, it isn’t fretting when a size doesn’t fit me the way I want, it isn’t being disgusted by the way I look NEKKED. My only job, is taking care of this perfectly designed vessel so it can run as efficiently as it was designed to.

Sin in the world has caused our bodies to break down and not work the way they should. A lot of that is determined by how we treat our bodies and what is added to our food. Some of it, we have no control over, but so much of it we do. We have the ability to feed our bodies healthy, God given foods full of nutrients and gut healing goodness. We have the ability to say no when offered a sugar filled dessert. We have the ability to make good choices.

Instead, we make poor choices, get on the scale, and self loathe. We scold ourselves, then talk down to ourselves and tell ourselves we aren’t good enough. That voice my friend, is not from God. He didn’t plant those seeds of self-hatred.

So why now, KJ? Why now after 42 years of abusing your body did you decide that verse is meaningful? Honestly, that verse. Only God truly knows. God spoke when I read. I read again, He spoke again. “KJ…I made you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Live like it.”

My mindset shifted. I focused on HEALTH and taking care of this vessel I was gifted with. I focused on giving it what it needed to thrive. I stopped obsessing about the number (mostly). I won’t say I don’t ever get on the scale and have to push back that little, dark voice that is trying to tear me down. It’s there…but it’s getting more and more quiet every single day.

So that’s it. I can stand in the mirror and truly say, I love who I was created to be. I can get on the scale and see a number that is only there to tell me if I need to change my way of eating some to make sure I am eating the foods that nourish me the most. I can put on my clothes and like the way I look because my vessel holds Jesus. I’m a reflection of him. If I stand in front of the mirror and say “I’m not good enough”, am I reflecting my Creator?

Health matters. A healthy weight matters. Exercise matters. Lab numbers matter. What DOESN’T matter, is that hunk of metal in the bathroom telling me I’m not good enough. I refuse to give it power over me.

MINDSET IS EVERYTHING.